


The Holly and The Ivy - Volume I - Kingdom of Smoke

by wiltcd_rose



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Inspired by Music, M/M, Multi, Music, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23731429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiltcd_rose/pseuds/wiltcd_rose
Summary: *Just a trigger warning for this whole series, this will mention eating disorders, rape, mental illnesses, suicide and death. This will use the f slur as well as the t one. This is no way glorifying any of these things*Also, just a quick note: this is set in 2003. I was not alive and do not know everything about the era. If I get any facts incorrect (let's say I write: 'Elliot held his Iphone...'), just politely comment my error! I will fix it asap. Thank you! Also this is loosely based off of THROAM, but I in no way mean to plagerize
Relationships: Elliot/Ryan
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue.-”I’m not the same person I was, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> *Just a trigger warning for this whole series, this will mention eating disorders, rape, mental illnesses, suicide and death. This will use the f slur as well as the t one. This is no way glorifying any of these things*  
> Also, just a quick note: this is set in 2003. I was not alive and do not know everything about the era. If I get any facts incorrect (let's say I write: 'Elliot held his Iphone...'), just politely comment my error! I will fix it asap. Thank you! Also this is loosely based off of THROAM, but I in no way mean to plagerize

His eyes were the first things that met mine. The crystal blue orbs that once entranced my being only became a horrible nightmare. He was there. His Mr. I’m perfect at everything-stature was gone. But his icy blue eyes pierced me, like frozen daggers. That once stoic gaze that meant 1,000 words could not match how pissed off I was at him. He had no business being here. He made it clear about what he thought of me.  
He gave me an apologetic smile; one that sent a cold chill down my spine. I grew nauseated by just being in his presence.  
“What do you want?” It came out as more of a growl rather than a question.  
Served him right.  
He seemed shocked by my tone, but quickly regained his posture. He pushed back a red curl from his eyes and tried to say something. I didn’t want to hear it.  
“You still owe me a cigarette.” Was all he could mutter out; a smug smile growing on his lips. I groaned as I looked up at him.  
“And last I checked, you still owe me three months of my life back. But here we are.” I rolled my eyes in disbelief. I didn’t know why he was here, he was about to be on tour again. And last time I checked, I told him to screw off the last time I saw him.  
But there he was with these disgusting sorrow filled eyes and all I could think about was how much I wanted to punch the grin out of his face.  
But I didn’t.  
I instead watched his brows furrow as he looked down at me. He came for something more than cigarettes, obviously. But something about him was off.  
I couldn’t read him like the open book he was.  
But why should I care about that asshole?


	2. "Feels like we only go backward baby."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song that inspired this chapter: https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

I woke up to the sharp blaring of traffic. Right off the corner of 31st and Main street was not the best place to choose an apartment. But it was better than the clock that resided at my bedside table. My glasses just to the side of it. 

I didn’t bother to touch either.

Instead I got my sorry ass out of bed and into the shower, avoiding the mirror at all costs. Just normal, everyday life. Except it wasn’t. 

The water ran over the small crevices of each part of my body, reminding me of each piece that shouldn't have a need to exist. It reminded me of all the should-be’s. Like how I should be going to work, how Percy should be going and I shouldn’t. How I was just backup for a backup because he broke his wrist.

But maybe I should be happy I guess? I mean I was getting paid a good amount for it.

But that didn’t stop the numbing from the world around me. That didn’t stop the agonizing pressure to be perfect. It didn’t stop the world from existing around me. 

You somehow find a way to manage and live, coexisting with the world around you-so they say. I find it that I merely am a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. 

A very comforting thought if you ask me.

I made my way out of the shower and got dressed, careful to wrap my upper-torso in a new bundle of ace-bandages. God, the new ones always hurt worse than the three-month-old blood stained ones. But I was used to it; taking one day at a time.

I pulled a soft blue t-shirt over my head, worn out from years of use, and sweatpants. To my dismay, I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen, for what? I couldn’t tell you even if I tried. 

As the thoughts of today fermented in my head, I grabbed a glass of lukewarm water. I quickly downed it before walking around my house in a heavy daze that danced around my eyelids. Pulling me back into my quiet oblivion known as sleep. I could have taken a nap and still had time to make it to where I was supposed to be, but like the masochist I am, I stayed awake. 

And the academy award for idiotic ideas goes to-

\-------------------------------------------------------

To my displeasure, I had to leave my tiny apartment all too soon. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep me alive. Part of me started to wish I never met Percy.

I kept walking, each step bringing me towards something I did not want. Each second made me feel inferior to the world around me. But that was just a symptom of being human, I guess.

I didn’t have far to walk, maybe a mile down the road? I don’t know. All I know is that my feet dragged from under me as I walked. I let the old suitcase of mine trail behind, listening to the broken wheel as it bounced along the concrete. I occasionally switched which hands I was holding the guitar and suitcase with. 

Time couldn’t go any faster as I made my way to the studio. It was a nicer place, but that was only because Elliot was sorta famous. I didn’t understand how such an asshole as himself could be winning the hearts of teen girls. To each their own, I guess.

My watch read 5 past three, which meant it was really 2:55. I kept it 10 minutes ahead so I wasn’t late. 

The door handle is wet, and I can only hope it was from the rain last night. And I walked in. I had to walk past three or four rooms before walking into the one with a sign that read  _ “Elliot Cooper”  _ in red, bolded letters. 

The supposed Elliot Cooper was nowhere in sight as I sat my bags down. But there were a few others in the room, three others to be exact. I sat on the couch and sighed gently, watching as everyone’s eyes still gazed downwards.  _ Maybe the floor was a bit more interesting than the pathetic lives we all lead… _

Whatever the case may have been, no one spoke. Not until Elliot stumbled into the room twenty minutes later, drunk as all hell.

What a great fucking way to start tour, am I right?

“Well, well, well-” He grins in a devilishly handsome way. Maybe that’s why all the young girls were after him.

“Where’s Percy?” He asks and that thought is shaken. His eyes are trying to pierce my soul, yet he can’t. He’s taken aback, thinking he should be able to read me. But he can’t.  _ Oh boy; how it’s fun to fuck with him _ .

The manager, Melissa I think it is, grabs him by the arm and pulls him aside.

“Percy broke his wrist, remember? This is his replacement.” She smiles, her graying brunette hair getting in the way of her eyes. She looks so calm for a tour manager. Maybe she got used to his bullshit.

“You never told me that, M!” He slurs, his words getting lost with his tongue.  _ So much for even trying to practice before soundcheck tomorrow... _

Melissa just sighs and sits him down while grabbing a bottle of water, but a hand stops her. A tan boy that was significantly taller than her shakes his head. Castro Lauder, the touring bass player. He opened the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice, then pulled out a flask. He poured the golden liquid into the cup and patted Elliot’s back.

“Drink up, dumbass,” was all he muttered before grabbing bags-I assumed they were his.

Melissa just sighed and shook her head.

“This is Ryan, Percy’s backup.” A few roadies came in as she spoke, taking bags to the bus.  _ Wow. We can’t even handle our own shit now.  _

But I should be grateful, right? Isn’t this everything I’ve ever wanted and more plated beneath my feet?

When I was a kid, I used to dream of being a musician. Of all the things my parents told me I couldn’t do, I wish they would have told me to dream on. That there were other things to worry about. But they didn’t. So look at the mess I got myself into. Yay me!

I guess I got so lost in thought that I didn’t even register that I had got up and was now walking to the bus. I was leaving.  _ We _ were leaving. 

I had a red, worn-out backpack slung slightly off my shoulder and that was it. It wasn’t like I could afford much compared to the four that walked before me. 

Oliver scoffed as he stood between Elliot and I as we got in. To whom he was scoffing at, well that remains a mystery. He stood taller than me, just like everyone else on the bus. A curse of being short. 

Oliver walked on and sat on the couch first thing, sprawling out and leaving a small space for Castro to sit.

Elliot gave him a smirk, “Suck it, drummer.” I just smiled and pretended to know what he meant. 

The day already started to drag. Time to countdown the days…

A sigh managed to escape my lips as I opted out of sitting on the couch. An awkward silence fell upon the four of us and a few roadies. I was the outcast, a person that arrived from a far away sea. They all lived on the luxurious island, not used to such small boys with high voices.

Elliot was the first to speak up, “What’s your deal?” He pondered, the slur in his words becoming less evident. 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“What’s your deal?” He repeated, slightly aggravated.

“I don’t know, what’s yours?” My eyes never left his. He tried to unravel me with his words. As if a dam would let loose by just his drunken words and stares.

News flash, I didn’t do that shit.

“Whatever, short-ass.” His eyes rolled so hard that I thought I could see the whites behind them.    
I rolled mine right back and made my way to the bunks. I wasn’t going to sleep, but maybe sit up on my shitty laptop. Maybe watch Netflix, maybe not. 

All I knew is that I was going to stay far away from the redhead. 


	3. "Welcome and Goodbye."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song(s): https://youtu.be/t-UFlqorDaQ , https://youtu.be/a9S1qthzgAI

I laid in the bunk that was closest to both the floor and the suite. I assumed that’s where Elliot was going to be, seeing how he told Oliver to suck it and was the only member of his band. Part-well, most of me hoped it wasn’t true. We didn’t need another thing to boost his ego, now did we?

If I was too busy letting hate fester, I might’ve gone to go interact. But I let myself shy away from all the unnecessary attention. It wasn’t until I heard drunken footsteps and the door opening, did I realize that my plans for a quiet afternoon were to be soiled.

The redhead walked past, thankfully not stopping. That was until he reached the door. 

“So, you wanna tell me your deal?” His voice showed no sign of being drunk in the slightest. Surprising, but meant jack-shit.

“What do you mean, ‘my deal?’ What are you, my mother?” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, popping my head out from the bunk.

“You know what, nevermind.” He was frustrated, anyone could tell. I just decided to drop it, getting out of my bunk for a bottle of water. That was until he grabbed my arm.

“Are you like- a boy or a girl? Or are you one of those trannies?” He said in a disgusted manner. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes.

“I’m a boy. What’s wrong with  _ them _ ?” I asked. I despised the word, finding it to be too derogatory and all around disgusting when another was to say it. 

“It’s just… weird, that’s all,” his voice mellowed as he let go of my arm and walked into his suite.  _ Oh look, a rare sighting of king Elliot, gracefully making his way back to his throne room-.  _ I wanted to hurl something at him. I don’t know how I didn’t. 

Those thoughts ceased to exist as I walked to the common area, grabbing myself a bottle and walking back to my bunk. I heard a soft grunt come from the room behind me, only causing me to gag slightly. No matter how loud I turned up my headphones, I could still hear him from the thin walls.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Arriving in Philadelphia felt off. As if this very real situation was becoming surreal. Was this even real? What even is real? 

What a way to start an evening! I rolled out of the bunk, covered in sweat and sleep marks. Smiling to myself, I walked out of the hallway and into the common area. Oliver and Castro had taken over the couches while four roadies sprawled out on the floor. No one noticed me, which didn’t offend me. It was nothing compared to the collective groan that escaped from everyone’s lips as Elliot entered the room. What made it even more shocking was the fact that no one actually made a noise.  _ Serves him right.  _

Melissa smiled gently as he entered the room; she was probably the only welcoming face he’d see the entirety of this leg. They wouldn’t need me at the end of this leg. Percy’s wrist would be healed and my life would be back to normal. Well as normal as you can get for being 5’3, trans, and gay in 2003. And as of this moment, Lawrence v. Texas was still taking way. Sodomy was still illegal. 

I sighed as I sat next to a brunette girl. She was one of the roadies who was sat on the floor and was the only other female on the bus. She was roughly an inch taller than myself, young, maybe 20, and had a rbf. If I was smart enough, I probably wouldn’t have bothered her. 

She noticed my presence and gave a soft smile. I didn’t see that one coming.

“Did you know that ‘punk’ in the 1940s was the equivalent of ‘twink’ today?”

“Nice to meet you too?” I gave her a confused look. What was that supposed to mean?

“Haley,” the brunette started, “Stupidest name to give a child, right?” she smiled, something about it made it feel so warm and welcoming. Like I still had family, or someone.

“Ryan,” I stated, watching the smile stay in place. She didn’t grimace at my presence and it made her like her 3% more. But only three percent. Her smile stayed genuine as she kept her distance, making it clear her intentions were nothing more than an attempt to make friends. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was gay. But I didn’t question it. Instead I just smiled and listened to the next three facts that escaped her mouth before Elliot caused a scene like the attention whore he was.

“You are all so boring. Come on, first night and all. We’re literally going to a party in two hours!” If he wasn’t too busy annoying me, I’d agree that everyone seemed to be in an unusually low mood. Maybe they had just dealt with his bullshit for too long. Or maybe, by the looks of it, Percy kept him quiet. 

“Some of us can’t get shittfaced for a living, nor do they enjoy it, buddy,” Oliver mumbled in a sickly sweet tone as the bus came to a stop. I looked out the window and noticed the hotel we were parked infront of. 

Melissa walked off the bus and into the hotel lobby, probably to go get the keys. As soon as she left, the roadies filed out of the bus and went down under to get suitcases. I took that as my moment to go grab my bag; that was when Elliot grabbed my arm.

“Can you grab mine too?” He gave me these disgusting puppy-dog eyes. 

“What am I, your maid?” I scoffed and jerked my arm back. “No, go get it yourself,” I stopped myself before I started a fight.

I walked into the back as he grabbed my arm once again.

“What’s your fucking deal?” he groaned softly and kept his grip tight enough so I couldn’t go. 

“Your ego. Now let go of me and get your shit,” I tugged my arm back and ignored the next few words that escaped his lips. I walked off the bus and out into the humid, mid-june air that engulfed my whole being. But it was better than the bus. 

I walked up to Haley and very awkwardly grabbed my things.

“Wanna hang out before-” she cut me off before I could even finish my sentence.

She looks to make sure no one is around, “I’m gay,” she huffs.

“Me too, so wanna go to my room and hangout?” I say nonchalantly. She hesitantly nods as I grab my bags. “I’m not hitting on you, I swear. I don’t do that, I swear.” I mumbled before greeting Melissa at the hotel door. 

“You should be on the bus,” she scolded.

“I couldn’t deal with Elliot anymore. Besides, dinner is at seven, party is at 8, brunch at noon and then we go from there.” I stated the almost-rehearsed lines as she gave me a surprised look. 

“Yes, unlike some, I can actually read. I pride myself in that fact,” I said matter-of-factly before walking in with my limited things. The hotel was nice, nicer than any one I had ever been at. It was a sight to take in, that was for sure. 

Walking to the elevator, I felt out of place in the massive building. Everything around me I felt inferior to, like I had to prove my worth. All I could offer is a few shitty cover songs, a bottle of whiskey, and maybe a smile. Other than that, I was just another face in the crowd. The only thing that made me different than the world around me is that I saw in two more colors. 

As I walked into the elevator, I saw a brunette run after me. And seeing as I was not famous, nor straight, the only person it could possibly be was Haley. I held my arm in front of the elevator door so she could quickly hop on.

A large luggage and a duffle bag were shoved on first, then she was to get on. As I stood beside her, I realized I was more than an inch shorter than her, which sucked.

I didn’t say a word, nor did she. We just sat in awkward silence as we went up to my room.

“They’re gonna think we’re up to something,” she stated worriedly. As if a man and a woman could never simply be friends.

“So? I don’t have a dick, what’s the worst I can do?” I joked before realizing what I did. She gave me a confused look before smiling to herself.

“It’s all good, mine is detachable anyway,” she smiled. She either knew what I meant or thought it was a complete joke. Either way, she hid it well. Which concerned me. But no words were further spoken about the topic.

That was until we were alone in my hotel room. I laid on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, regretting my conception as one does. She sat in a forest green velvet chair.

“So, I’m guessing I don’t tell anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Alrighty. Did you know that black is the most colorful color?” She smiled as I sat up.

And for nearly an hour, we sat there and talked, watched a few MTV music videos, and just enjoyed the night. It’s easier when you’re both gay. And she was a genuinely interesting person. She didn’t even know my last name, nor did I know hers.

But I learned 50 different ways to say ‘hello’ in 10 minutes...


	4. "I don't need you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song - https://youtu.be/qWwrB62NH-Y

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have been so disgusted when Elliot entered the room, reminding us that it was time to go. But why should I apologize for not wanting trash in my room?

“M wants you two down in the lobby in 10, just an FYI.” Elliot mumbled and stumbled his way out. I was starting to really hate Percy.

Haley made her way to her room to go get changed and I decided to do the same. It shouldn’t have been a big deal; I shouldn’t have freaked out. But I did. Three outfits into changing and nothing felt flattering enough. Nothing made my emaciated frame skinnier, and it made me want to claw my eyes out. Yet with two minutes left before we were supposed to meet in the lobby, I decided that the black stripes were better than the entire bus wanting to kill me. 

Practically running, I made it to the lobby. But of all people, guess who wasn’t there? Mister high and mighty himself, Elliot Cooper. I sat down next to Haley and sighed gently and listened to her sigh in return. The moment was gentle and for a split second, I didn’t completely hate Elliot as he walked into the setting.

His bright blue eyes were a shade duller than I had previously seen. They weren’t his award winning, prestigious, icy blue. No, they were a shade of blue that reminded me of the deep sea. Gentle waves lifting and lowering his lovely boat. 

Something was wrong. But I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. 

“Sorry, uh, got lost,” he offered with a chuckle. It felt as if I was repeating a scene from earlier in the day. Everyone either scoffed or just gave him a look. 

_ “Everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.”  _ That described the moment with Elliot. Literally everyone loved the man. Everywhere you looked, left and right, someone recognized him. Someone would call him out, claiming that they loved him. Claiming that Elliot Cooper was the best thing since sliced bread. But when you looked around, what was supposed to be his inner circle all despised him.

Just a little food for thought.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was at some diner downtown that was surprisingly not that crowded. I weaseled my way out of eating by just saying I wasn’t that hungry. It was the first night of tour and no one really took my words negatively. Which I didn’t mind. The less eyes on me now could lead to an easier escape later. 

Dinner didn’t last longer than 30 minutes, which was good. Oliver looked quite antsy and I definitely didn’t want to deal with a pissy Oliver-well, anyone really. By the looks of it, he was desperately awaiting the minute he could roam in the large jungle of people he believed would just throw themselves at him.  _ As if anyone could find  _ **_that_ ** _ attractive.  _

The night continued to drag until we were there. It was a large house with a white picket fence and all. I didn’t pay attention to who Melissa said it belonged to. But I did pick up on ‘Elliot’, ‘old friend’, and ‘owing a favor’. Judging by Elliot’s furrowed eyebrows and slightly hunched stance, it was safe to say he didn’t want to be there either. 

But Oliver did. And so did Castro. They were the first two off the bus, but at least Castro had enough decency to wait for Elliot to get off the bus. I made my way off with Haley and looked forward. The purple lit lower level reminded me of a club I went to on my 21st birthday. Only much larger, much nicer, and much, much more straight. 

Haley gave me a once over and smiled.

“So this is what ‘making it’ looks like,” she started with a giggle before taking me by the hand and dragging me into the place. She was like a kid in a candy shop, and quite honestly, it was adorable. 

She dragged me to get a drink, and I took one. I wasn’t one to drink. The taste of alcohol was disgusting and the after-effects were honestly too much… not to mention I was a lightweight. 

The large room was filled with Beyonce’s newest song,  _ Crazy in Love.  _ Lights flashed and people quickly rearranged their positions in the room. Within a few moments, Haley was not in my line of sight. I couldn’t hear anything as the lights continued to flicker. It felt like you were going under a tunnel everytime the color flashed. I started to backup and run into people. Suddenly an Evanescence song was playing and purple was now a dark blue. And someone grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the large room.

This person sat me on a bench and kneeled before me, squeezing my hand until my overloaded senses could adjust. I bit down on my lower lip until her face was in my line of sight-Haley. 

“You spaced out,” her voice was quiet, almost motherly. But it calmed me down for just a second. My right hand went to the back of my head, twirling a clump of hair and tugging slightly. 

“Then in a flash, you weren’t next to me-” she was cut off by an all too familiar voice. 

“I didn’t know guys could be on the receiving end of things,” Elliot smirked. He probably wasn’t fully drunk, but seemed to be working his end there. 

“Mm, can you shut up and stop being selfish just for once to see that the world doesn’t revolve around you?” I retorted and groaned. I panicked, it happens. 

God, he made it so easy to hate. 

Elliot just rolled his eyes, and his jaw contorted. “I’m heading out to the bus, want to join?” He mumbled nonchalantly. 

“No,” I shook my head, wanting to make a rude remark. Yet I held it back. He might be an asshole but at least he offered something nice in return.  _ I didn’t know it could do that.  _ He scoffed and rolled his eyes before turning around and walking off. 

Haley looked at me with wide eyes and amazement, to which I just shrugged off. I don’t need him. What I needed was another glass of something and maybe 10 minutes. 

“Go off. Do something. Don’t let me stop you from having a good night.” I sighed as I watched her stand.

“You sure?” Her voice was still coated in worry. 

“Positive.” I offered a dull smile before standing up myself. Walking back into the room, I kept my eyes downcast so I would minimize how much I saw the lights. Within a few seconds, a fairly attractive blonde had caught the eye of Haley. Or maybe it had been a few minutes? I wasn’t keeping track of time. 

Loud music continued to blare as I grabbed my second drink. Haley had a woman pinned up against the wall and I just decided to give up on the night.   
Swimming through the crowd of drunk people, I relied on the ground to get me out of the main area. _I didn’t need help. I’m Ryan fucking Grayes, I don’t need anyone. They need me._

My head began to spin as my vision faded. I was suddenly in a pile of grass, vomiting my guts out. That was until I was lifted up.

From there, I blacked out.


	5. "You’re not a person, you’re my friend.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for taking two weeks to update!)
> 
> https://youtu.be/87H7mQt2r-0

Of all the things that could have possibly happened when I passed out, I did not expect Elliot to pick me up and bring me back to the bus. I did not expect to be laid on the couch. And I definitely did not expect for him to be holding out a glass of water for me when I came to. 

“So, Mr. Tough-Guy is actually Mr. Lightweight?” He laughed sarcastically as I took in a sip of the water. My wrist was shaking slightly as I looked to him, then back to the cup several times.

“Woah, your pupils are blown, man-” he got closer to my face, pushing a few strands of hair away from my eyes.

I smacked his hand away. 

“Don’t touch me,” my voice was weak, laced with insecurities and alcohol. He held his freckled hands up in surrender before pulling back. 

A dull silence fell over the two of us as I sat up, feeling my body shake. I wish I could have said someone spiked my drink, or that I was already high, literally anything other than me having a panic attack. I felt so weak, especially sitting next to Elliot. Yet, he didn’t seem fazed.

I was the first one to break the silence. 

“So, were you walking out or waiting for me?” I sighed and looked at the clock. It read 10:17. The night was still young, the sex and drugs even younger.  _ What was he doing here on a night like this? _

“Walking out. As much as I love drinking, and I do, big parties like these are not my scene.” He gave me a devilishly handsome grin and for once, I didn’t feel like gagging. 

“How are parties not your scene?” I questioned and gave him a look. 

“I didn’t say all parties were, I just said big parties weren’t my scene,” he gave me an eye roll before we both started laughing.

“Not my thing at places like these. Too many people who are desperate for sex. Like your lesbo girlfriend. They were kinda hot though.” Just when I thought he had me, I almost gagged once again and rolled my eyes. 

“Just when I thought you might have some decency to you,” I groaned before standing up. The floor quickly rose to greet my wobbly knees as I saw stars. Literal stars. I thought they were some made up shit or something!

“This is why you wait it out, you fucking light weight,” he heaved me up by my shoulders.

“God, you’re so fucking skinny. Do you even eat or are you one of  _ those _ people?” 

“Did your mother ever teach you that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all?” 

“My mom died when I was six.” Holy fuck. I probably shouldn’t have said anything.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the two of us as he moved his hands under my armpits. He carried me awkwardly to my bunk and sat me on the floor.

“Uh, sleep. I don’t know. I’m gonna go back in and get a drink I guess. Goodnight?” I didn’t know this version of Elliot. The non-confident and fragile side, if you could call it that. It was a softer version of the asshole he presented to the media. 

“Yeah, sleep. Thanks,” I mumbled. 

He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling slightly. He had dimples, the left one a bit deeper than the right. He had so many freckles. So many that I’d love to sit and spend hours counting. His eyes were a soft scene, showing so much emotion and none at all.  _ What is he doing to me?  _

“No problem, man,” and in a flash, he was gone.

But not for long, no. He was back once again, this time wasted. I never understood people like that, how they could constantly drink and drink and drink as if it were nothing. 

I heard the shuffling before I saw him in my attempt to poke my head out from under the bunk. He stumbled past me until he saw my head poke out.

“Oh, good! You’re awake!” His voice was mixed with both hyperactivity and exhaustion.

“No, I’m not. You’re seeing things,” I muttered, wishing I had fallen asleep.

“Scoot over.”

“What?”

“Scoot the fuck over,” he repeated.  _ What the fuck is he on?  _

“I-” I got out of my bunk and stood beside him. He was at least a head taller than me. “No.”

His expression hardened as I said ‘no’ and his brows furrowed. As if he were deeply offended by the words that left my mouth. If I weren’t so god damn tired, it might have seemed a little cute. But it wasn’t. He wasn’t cute. He was annoying and a prick, and that’s all he’d ever be. 

I shook my head, “I’m not letting you lay in my bunk. You’re going to bed,” I groaned and grabbed his hand to drag him along. It was warm, large, and calloused, the opposite of my tiny hand-except for the calloused part. My fingertips were covered in thick callouses, preventing me from really being able to feel. 

His hands were sweaty, slightly shaky, but overall warm. I have no clue as to why I am over-analyzing something that lasted for barely three seconds. Maybe because I am touch-starved. That’s exactly what it is. Nothing more. 

I dragged him to his suite, turning off the light as we entered. I then made him lay down in the bed. I didn’t dare take off him clothes or try to change him, mostly because I had no interest in doing so. He simply just smiled like an idiot throughout the whole endeavor.

“You gonna read me a bedtime story?” Elliot asked and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the bed. I yelped as he did so, which caused him to drop his grip. 

I was now on the right side of the bed, he was on the left. 

Another silence fell upon us both, less awkward now. Or more, judging by the fact that we were both laid next to each other and met not even 24 hours ago. 

I laid on my back, looking up at the ceiling. It was very interesting. Especially in the pitch black room. _  
_ “Every star you see in the night sky is bigger and brighter than our sun, did you know?” He said randomly, causing me to turn my head to look at him. 

“Where’d you learn this?” I questioned as he turned his head to me. He gave a soft smile and shrugged. 

“I used to be huge into astronomy. Just a fact that stuck in my head,” he smiled. 

Before I could even process the next few moments, his lips pressed against mine. And I freaked the fuck out. 

I first shoved him off of me and then slapped him.

“What the fuck was that?!” I got off the bed and ran into my bunk, thankfully not followed. He stayed where he was while I hid in my bunks, waiting for sleep to overtake my body. 


End file.
